Apr 122015
 
Updated: April 15, 2015

Added links to audio and video recordings

Selected recordings and lyrics from ten years of BossTunes parodies

STC (2003)

(“Old Cape Cod,” Rothrock, Jeffery, and Yakus; new lyrics by Taryn Light)

If you’re fond of graphics and documents
Quaint little projects that make no sense
You’re sure to fall in love with S-T-C

If you’re tired of listening to Engineers,
Looking at screens for so many years,
You’re sure to fall in love with S-T-C

Tons of words that seem to confuse you.
Project Leaders guiding what to do
Meetings running nearly every hour
Remind you that you wish you had the power

If you spend your time writing lots of drafts
Watching the hours quickly pass
You’re sure to fall in love with S-T-C

 

Redo The GUI (2004)

Link to video

(“Vesti la giubba,” Leoncavallo; “translation” by Steve Jong)

Recitar! Mentre preso dal delirio,
Non so più quel che dico, e quel che faccio!
Eppur è d’uopo…
Sforzati!
Bah!
Sei tu forse un uom?
Tu sei Pagliaccio!Vesti la giubba
e la faccia in farina.
La gente paga
e rider vuole qua.
E se Arlechin t’invola Colombina,
Ridi, Pagliaccio,
E ognun applaudirà!Tramuta in lazzi lo spasmo ed il pianto;
in una smorfia il singhiozzo e’l dolor
Ah!
Ridi, Pagliaccio…
sul tuo amore infranto!
Ridi del duol
che t’avvelena il cor!
I tell you, the money made me delirious;
He said it was nothing but a bit of work on the interface.
He told me whoppers…
I worked my ass off!
*#$& #$@!
Did he think there were four of me?
I’m just Pagliaccio!They redid the GUI—
“The face goes on last.”
Every page I wrote
I had to redo the whole thing.
And those clowns working in DC—
“We’re reading, Pagliaccio”—
hosed the source code while the analysts were applauding the demo!There was no fix; the boss went spastic; it was painful to see;
that smurf burned me on my invoice
Ah!
“We read it, Pagliaccio…”
“We loved your work, but your stuff’s out front!”
I heard the dweeb cancelled the release,
and they all wound up in court!

 

Anything You Can Do (2007)

(Irving Berlin; new lyrics by Hans Fenstermacher)

Hans:     Anything you can write, I can write better.
I can write anything better than you.
Steve:     No you can’t
H:           Yes I can
S:            No you can’t
H:           Yes I can
S:            No you can’t
H:           Yes I can, yes I can.

H:           Any tool you can learn, I can learn quicker
Sooner or later, I’m quicker than you.
S:           No, you’re not.
H:          Yes, I am.
S:           No, you’re not.
H:          Yes, I am.
S:           No, you’re not.
S:           Yes, I am, yes, I am, yes, I am!

S:           RoboHelp is easy, doesn’t make me queasy.
H:          I can handle DITA. Trouble? Not a bit a’.
S:           I can do most anything.
H:          Can you code in C?
S:           No. You?
H:          Don’t look at me…

H:          Any bug you can fix, I can fix faster
I can fix any bug faster than you.
S:          No you can’t
H:         Yes I can
S:          No you can’t
H:         Yes I can
S:          No you can’t
H:         Yes I can, Yes I can!

H:         Anything you can write, I can write shorter
I can write anything shorter than you
S:         No you can’t
H:         Yes I can
S:         No way
H:        Way
S:         Nope
H:        Yep
S:         Uh-uh
H:        Umm

S:         I can take a screenshot ’fore I get my tea hot.
H:        I can crop and paste it ’fore you get to taste it.
S:         I can hack the web with a bot.
H:        Without getting caught?
S:         Yes
H:        That’s what I thought.

H:        Any words you translate, I translate better
I translate any words better than you.
S:        <long pause, while music continues> Yeah, well, you got me there!

H:       Any note you can sing, I can sing louder,
I can sing any note louder than you.
S:        No you can’t
H:       Yes I can
S:        No you can’t
H:       Yes I can
S:        No you can’t
H:       Yes I can, Yes I can!

H:       Any note you can sing, I can hold longer,
I can hold any note longer than you.
S:        No you can’t
H:       Yes I can
S:        No you can’t
H:       Yes I can
S:        No you caaaaaaaaaan’t!
H:       Yes I caaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

 

Fugue For Writers (And Editor) (2008)

(“Fugue For Tinhorns,” Frank Loesser; new lyrics by Steve Jong)

[Hans] My manual is due
To go out for review
But I’ve got stacks of changes yet to do
All night, all night,
I’ll be here ‘till morning light
If I’m gonna do it right
I’ll write all night.
All night,
All night
I’ll be here ‘till morning light
[Taryn & Anna] Your game of sleep deprive
Is no way to survive.
I get my work complete from nine to five.
If I’m gonna do it right [gets spec]
I’ll write
All night.
No way,
No way,
There’s no way I’m gonna stay.
[Steve] This data’s incomplete,
This has no running feet,
And every copyright is obsolete.
If what I read is true
They turned the toolbars blue
And all the buttons have changed to something new.
I finish and get away, [gets coat]
Away,
Away.
Details!
Details!
And everything that entails.
It’s junk!
It’s junk!
This specification’s bunk.
Have I turned out the light?
Is my to-do list right?
Have I shut down my laptop for the night?
They’ll miss things—it never fails. [gets page]
I sweat
Details.
The engineer is a punk, [nods off]
A punk,
A punk…
Shut down!
Shut down!
Why won’t this PC shut down?
Another comma splice!
They don’t take my advice.
I shouldn’t have to make an edit twice.
I must have had a snooze,
I’m drooling on my shoes.
I’d better call and order some Chinese food.
I don’t want to hang around, [gets call]
Around,
Around.
Not twice,
Not twice,
I shouldn’t make edits twice.
Rangoon,
Rangoon,
My favorite is crab Rangoon
Another minute, dear
And I’ll be out of here;
I’m shutting down and then I’m in the clear.
They’re not taking my advice, [gets page]
Advice,
Advice.
Combined with some pork chow foon,
Chow foon,
Chow foon—
Yes, dear,
Yes, dear,
And then I’ll be out of here—
Confusing “shall” and “will”
The voice is passive still
I’m saving us a huge translation bill—
Up all night!
Get away!
Small details!
I do the job right here! I do the job right here! I do the job right here!

 

Paper Jam (2009)

(“The Chicken Dance,” Thomas and Rendall; new lyrics by Anna Pratt)

There’s a meeting and I’m late, but this printer makes me wait.
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap)
The agenda’s coming through, what we need and when it’s due.
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap )
Out of paper? Not a chance! Blinking lights and at a glance
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap )
Can’t afford to walk away, need the printout right away.
Here’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap)

I look around to find a helper,
How very much alone, I am.
I grit my teeth and I get ready,
I’m gonna do the paper jam!

Chorus:
Plant your feet upon the floor. Grab the side, open the door.
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap)
Check the paper tray; it’s full. Yank knob 1; give it a pull.
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap)
Lever 3 looks really new, but I’m looking for knob 2.
What’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap )
All I want is my stuff quick; gonna give this thing a kick.
Here’s the trouble? (clap-clap-clap-clap)

Our printer also is our copier,
And it is used by one and all,
It’s far away from every office,
And it’s in need of an overhaul.

[Chorus]

By now, my meeting’s almost over,
But, on the photocopy glass,
I see a vision quite unfamiliar,
Somebody’s copied their hairy ___.

[Repeat chorus]

 

Gimme Them Old Time Revisions (2013)

Link to performance (with lyrics)

(Traditional; new lyrics by Fred Wersan)

[Chorus:]
Gimme them old time revisions
Gimme them old time revisions
Gimme them old time revisions
They’re good enough for me

I will find dependent clauses
Insert commas to show pauses
And defend the grammar lawses
And that’s good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]

I will mark up all contractions
They’re not whole words, they’re just fractions
For translation they’re distractions
They’re not good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]

I will strike out all the Latin
i.e, e.g., ipso factum
Is it data or is it datum?
They’re both good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]

I will edit single sourcing
Where content and format are divorcing
It’s a whole new way of authoring
And that’s good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]

I’ll correct your lousy spelling
With a minimum of yelling
All your readers will be kvelling
And that’s good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]

If you’ll just accept my edits
I will let you take the credit
Maybe a STACI Award of Merit
And that’s good enough for me

[Repeat chorus twice]